No more agendas.

I have started many a blog, well, five to be exact. So, what makes this one different?

I have no agenda this time.

I want to share all sorts of things with all sorts of people. I have many things to talk about, many things to get off my chest, and I hope that through it all I can help someone, somewhere feel a little better about their situation.

I have been molested, raped, mentally abused. I have battled depression, anxiety, a food addiction. I have been diagnosed with myriad illnesses including fibromyalgia, Type II diabetes, and hypothyroidism. I lost my job last July due to missing so much work from my illnesses.

I have no money, I'm in pain, I'm exhausted, I look like crap, I feel like crap, but you know what, I'm tired of just being sick and tired. My best friend Pablo asked me last night--on the eve of my birthday, so yes, today I am 35--"So what if your health never improves? What if you don't receive healing? Are you going to just wait forever? What are you going to do with your life?"

I was incredibly upset and hurt--truth hurts, doesn't it? I have been waiting for healing, waiting for some sort of revelation. I don't know what it "is" that I am supposed to do. What is my purpose? Why am I here? Is anybody going to tell me? I guess not. I guess I'm going to have to decide for myself. Like I read in a book once, "Am I making a difference today?"

Well, I'm going to try and make a difference with this blog. I'm going to be as real as I can and be as truthful and honest about my life. I hope that I can help you, and that through that I will find help. Let me know if there's something on your mind or you want to know something. Let's help each other!

:) Jan