Looking for Joy

OK, so here I am, heading back into the pit of despair. I've been cutting myself off from people, cutting myself off from God, cutting myself off from myself. I hate it when I do that, and I know what I need to do in order not to go there. My real quandary is how to get myself to do what I need to do before I have to be jerked out of the hole by none other than Pablo.

So what is it that I need to do?

Start and spend my days with God.

Why don't I do it automatically?

Because somehow I think that if I just do a few things and then come back to God then it'll be OK: the life-long procrastinator.

Not working, must change.

The weird thing is I've been doing all sorts of word studies, etc. in the Bible, but they do me no good if I don't put them into practice. I let whatever is happening in my life, or not happening, dictate how I respond to life. Ugh, here we go with emotion again. I know that I find encouragement when I read His Word and let Him know how I'm feeling.

OK, so, let me run by you some things I've been looking up in the Bible, and hopefully that will underscore in my own mind what I need to do. According to God's Word, good things happen if we seek Him. You probably have heard this one:

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run, and not grow weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31 KJV

OK, so how about these?

"And you who seek God, your hearts shall live." Psalm 69:32b NKJV

"I love those who love Me, and those who seek Me diligently will find Me. Riches and honor are with Me, enduring riches and righteousness." Proverbs 8:17-18 NKJV

Sounds pretty good to me, though realize of course that He's not saying follow Me and roll in gold, and we shouldn't follow Him just so we're living the good life--but Jehovah-jireh is our Provider, how awesome!

"But those who seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing." Psalm 34:10b NKJV

"Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way unto the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:3-7a NKJV

I'm going to throw this next part in for free. If you look closely when you read the Bible you will sometimes see "the LORD" and "GOD" and other times they will not be in all caps. Ever wonder what the difference is? Well, I'm taking some Bible classes and the instructor explained that those capitalized versions are when the scriptures say Yahweh or what we hear more often, Jehovah. And the really cool thing about Yahweh is that in Hebrew it is made up of 4 letters, you know the Jews do not spell out the name of God but always type it YHWH.

Anyway, the four letters really encompass all that God is, including Jesus and the Holy Spirit. The letters literally mean hand, breath, and nail: the Hand of God: our Creator and Most Powerful of powers; the Breath of God: Our Holy Spirit; Our Nail-Pierced Saviour, Christ Jesus. And what really blows me away is that most Jews do not believe that Jesus is the Messiah, and yet He was crucified and pierced (Psalm 22:16c "they pierced my hands and my feet."), just as the Hebrew word for God from the Torah states! So many mysteries revealed in every aspect of the Lord and His Word!

God rocks.

OK, so there are a lot more passages I could quote for you on seeking God, but I want to move on to finding rest in Him. So, if you want to look more up, here are the references:

Deuteronomy 4:29-31, Psalm 42:3-5, Psalm 51:6-8, 10, 12, Psalm 119:2-7, Proverbs 2:3-12a, 20-21, Proverbs 8:32-35, Jeremiah 29:12-14a, Matthew 5:6, Hebrews 11:6

So, then, I have been monstrously exhausted for the last several weeks. I started taking Vitamin D as I am very deficient, and have Googled the side effects and they really don't match how I feel, though anything is possible; I always seem to have weird reactions to things. The other thing that I've started is being more diligent in studying the Word and have had an increased desire to really know God. I believe the enemy does not like that too well, and he knows after all these years of watching me that when I get sick, exhausted and/or depressed I fall away from purposeful living. I hate him.

So, anyway, in trying to combat this extreme fatigue I decided to look up passages about rest. I'm sure you've heard this one:

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30 NKJV

Here are a few more:

"And He said, 'My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.'" Exodus 33:14 NKJV

For thus says the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel: 'In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.'" Isaiah 30:15a-b NKJV

"Thus says the LORD: 'Stand in the ways and see, and ask for the old paths, where the good way is, and walk in it; then you will find rest for your souls.'" Jeremiah 6:16a-b NKJV

I'm seeing a pattern here: seek God, find rest--and a whole lot of other amazing things! I know I need to start my day with Him, He is the best friend that I have, He is the one Who truly knows my sorrows and pain as He bore them on the tree, He is the one who cares for me and loves me like no other.

Father God, I need You, I want to know You more and more. Awaken in me the longing for you as David had, who panted after you as the deer pants for water! Holy Spirit, speak louder in my ear that I would listen to You and Your Words.

So, to close, let me quote you a really cool passage that tells us how God cherishes us:

"The LORD your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 NKJV

How awesome is it to think that God sings over us, that He delights in us? I get so discouraged and upset with myself when I fail; it's so amazing to think that He can find joy in me. I want Him to have more joy in me. I know that in seeking His joy, I will find mine. (And yes, I already did a word study on joy; maybe next time I'll give you those passages.)

Be blessed,

:) Jan

I Think I'm Back to "Normal"

Well, it's been a long road from Tramadol to back again, and I am SO glad to be back to where I was before this whole mess. Ironic, I say, as before this I wasn't sure how worse it could be. Well, the laugh was on me, indeed, though I was not laughing. And you know, the doctors have never called me back.

So, anyway, with that madness behind me it's onward and upward! I feel like I lost about a week and a half there. But I feel like I am renewed and ready to fight some more.

You may be wondering, "So, did you lose any weight, then?" Nope, I actually gained 1.8 pounds back. But you know what? That's OK. It was a tough week, and considering everything I think it went pretty well. I need to re-center myself, though, and refocus my mind on that task. WW is an easy program to follow--I can add and subtract for the most part. The hard part is retraining my mind and how it reacts to stimuli that send me to food in the first place.

I saw my counselor for the first time in weeks yesterday, and that was goooooooood. I don't think we really "got anywhere" but I feel like I'm back on the road to getting things straightened out and purged from inside. My counselor has fibromyalgia, so she can quite commiserate on what it's like in every aspect. It's nice to be believed instead of found suspect or tolerated. I'm tired of feeling that way from so many people, whether they be from the medical field or from everyday life. I know that this disease is real. Why it happens, well, that could be from the mind, I don't know, but let me tell you, as I sat up most of last night in pain and unable to get to sleep because of it, I KNOW that it is REAL. I pray you never understand what that is like.

But, in that pain I was able to study more about my Savior. God is amazing. I knew that. I know that, but gosh, it's good to be reminded of exactly HOW good He is! I started reading The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel Sunday night. I could barely stand to put it down. I was captivated! It was so intriguing to me how he went through every plausible argument against the existence of Christ as God, and how in every case he found that history actually supported the claims the Bible makes about Him.

Strobel is a well-known Chicago journalist and atheist. He set out to determine that Jesus is not who the Bible says He is. He interviewed 13 scholars as to the veracity of the claims that Jesus is indeed the Messiah of the Jewish Bible, or Old Testament, and the Savior of the New Testament. In mainstream media and entertainment realms the Bible is treated with contempt or as a nice story. We get the impression that there are no real scholars that are basing the reality of the Bible on true facts. This is far from the case. There are many places in historical records that concur with the Bible testimony of the Apostles.

YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK!!!

I can't tell you what it was like for me to read especially the "CSI-type" account of the torture of Jesus. If anyone can deny Christ's love for us after reading that, so help them God! It changed me forever, and I didn't think anything after the "Passion of the Christ" could do that. I'm planning to get into The Case for the Creator ASAP.

I'm sorry to have to cut this post short today. I have many things I could say about the book, about the Book, and about my God! I'm loving to study about Him. I'm excited to learn more. I want to have as many arrows in my quiver as possible as I head into battle. I hope that people realize how close we are. I hope people realize that the time is coming that we will have to choose whether to pronounce or denounce Christ in our lives. It's no legend, people, the time is near. Please be ready!

:) Jan