Message to a Friend

I just finished emailing a friend back who has been going through a lot of issues lately and has been feeling lost in her faith and far from God. It occurred to me that maybe what I wrote could help some of you as well. I did, after all, pretty much preach a sermon!!! Some of the stuff in it is personal to me, but I feel that in my vulnerability and transparency maybe you may find some help.

So, here's the text of what I wrote:


"I'm not working, but I'm thinking about putting in some apps. I'm completely out of money and am still not accepting that I have to go on Disability--if it goes through then great, I just don't want to give up on being able to work and be productive! I struggle every day in functioning, but everyone does to some degree. I'm going to have to suck it up and 'just do it'.

And yes, God has changed me that is for sure!!! I am SO thankful that He brought me to where I need to be. Just yesterday I went to lunch with my pastor and his wife to talk about my future. I want to serve Him so much. I'm thinking about what I can do in the ministry. Right now I know I need to get healthy and get closer to Him. I have battled depression my whole life, have battled weight and feeling ugly my whole life, I was molested several times as a kid, I've been raped and beaten, mentally abused, I've been into the occult, battled demons, tried to commit suicide, and worst of all tried to fake being a real Christian--I've been in the darkness, and I know that if I don't stay in the Light I am lost.

Like Peter, if I take my eyes off of Jesus I sink. Is it a battle to stay in that Light? ohmygosh, yesssssss When I don't actively seek Him then I fall into my old patterns, cut myself off from talking to people and stop talking to God. I understand exactly you're talking about. I am praying that you will find whatever it is that you need to find that connection to God that we're all craving. Don't give up. I repented of the occult stuff Christmas of 2006 and I have been going through this process then for what, 32 months? How long does it take to make a baby elephant, something like that, right!?! :) But seriously, I have waged war with the enemy, literally, and what I find most is when I take my eyes off of God then I have no hope because really, as we are in flesh, there is no hope for us. But with God, all things are possible.

So, bottom line, I LOVE YOU and I won't give up on you because if I did then I'd have to give up on myself! And if I give up on myself then it's because I believe God isn't big enough to handle my problems, and if that's the case then obviously He's not big enough to be able to promise me eternity.

The enemy is the one who is the prince of this earth and the father of lies. He's been watching us our whole lives figuring out our weaknesses and using them against us. He sucks. But, only when we realize how he operates can we fight him. After I repented of the witchcraft did I learn about the enemy and how he operates. Churches today don't teach enough about how the devil works. Most people either treat him like he's just a joke almost, or people are terrified of him. We don't need to be afraid because we have more power in Christ than he has. But, we need to know how he works or we won't see what he's up to:

The Bible says, "Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." I think that was Paul, who remember said he was ticked because what he wanted to do he wouldn't do, and what he shouldn't do he did--and he actually met Jesus on the road! So, if all these Bible guys walked and talked with God and still screwed up, hey, we're doing pretty good! But I have to actively remind myself of this verse. When I'm thinking something negative I need to study it and say, does this coincide with what God has said, or is this a lie of the enemy? Lies: "I'm worthless, I'm ugly, no one will love me, I will never change, I'm a hopeless case, God could never use me because of what I have done, I'm crazy...." Truth: "We are fearfully and wonderfully made, we are the salt/light of the world, we can do all things through Him who gives us strength, He "has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind", we are set free from the kingdom of darkness and transferred into the Kingdom of Christ...."

You are amazing with a beautiful heart and many talents. God has given us the power to loose that which is loose in Heaven, and to bind that what is bound from entering Heaven: I bind satan and his demons in the name of Jesus, his weapons will not harm you. I loose the angels to surround you and know the presence of God's love and peace which passeth all understanding. If you believe, nothing will be kept from you.

This verse makes my heart sing: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" - Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

He has not started anything in us that He will not finish. And think of this: satan doesn't attack those who are useless. Don't you think that God must have some good things in store for us if satan has to work so hard to try and make us fall? Pretty cool, huh?

;) Be BLESSED today, claim what is yours rightfully in Jesus's name. I'm here for you, I love you, I believe in you! He who is in us is greater than he who is in the world!"


Hope this helps someone out there who may be going through something similar. GOD BLESS YOU!!!

:) Jan

Believing for Favor

Well, I wrote last time about things God tells me through media. I just got an amazing reminder of how I need to believe I have the favor of God--we all do!

I was just watching Joel Osteen and he was talking about this year and believing that God will provide for us, and He will do so supernaturally. He is supernatural, you know? I always need a reminder, and I don't know why....

But Joel told several stories about people who received blessings--supernatural ones--that didn't make any sense in the "real" world. He told a simple one of a little girl who kept asking her mom for a kitten. Finally the mom said, the only way you're getting a kitten is if God sends you one. So the little girl knelt down and prayed in the back yard, "Dear God, please send me a kitten." Of course...one fell from the sky. The mom was shocked, the little girl joyous (she never had an issue with unbelief). The mom later found out that a neighbor many houses down was trying to get the kitten out of a tree, hooked his truck to the tree, had it bent over and then the rope broke. They thought the kitten was dead, but low, and behold...! Sounds crazy, right?

Well, I've had a few small simple instances like that, and I needed a reminder of it in order to reaffirm my belief that God is working supernaturally for me. One I can remember was last year: I had to go to the license bureau to get my license plates renewed (well, my $70 sticker to put on my license plate...). My mom was freaking out that we wouldn't have enough time, I can't remember what the issue was with that, but she was lamenting that it would take us forever because there would be a long line. Isn't there always a long line at the license bureau? Anyway, I had had the most amazing spiritual week of my life, and I knew that I was in the favor of God. "Don't worry Mom, I have the favor of God, I'll walk right in and get it." And that's just what I did. There was no one waiting so I literally walked in and got it and walked out within 4 minutes. She was shocked, and I was even more ecstatic as God's amazing work in my life had just revealed itself yet again.

Why do I forget that stuff?

I realize that having Pablo in my life is a God-thing, there's no doubt about that!!! He's a blessing most of the time....

Anyway, I met Pablo online and we became friends. No great mystery to that one, we all have online pals. However, God had a PLAN, still does, not sure all He's got for us, but, let me tell you, I never could have predicted this Latino landing in my back yard!

I found out Pablo wasn't going to go home for Christmas and would be alone for the holiday. Well, that is just not acceptable and I couldn't stand the idea of his being alone for Christmas. So, even though we'd only been talking online and hadn't met in person I asked him to come up here for Christmas. I couldn't believe I actually asked him, and I couldn't believe he actually accepted. But, little did I know that it would change our lives forever.

Now, if you've never seen or met Pablo let me tell you, he's not too bad on the eyes. Har har, understatement.... And, to say I didn't have any designs on him wouldn't be truthful either. He's hot, what am I stupid? Hellooooooooooooo!?! But anyway, he came up here as a friend to spend the holidays with me and with my family.

I've shared a little bit about the occult stuff that I was into--and I was doing it before Pablo got here, but I did not tell him what I was doing. I hardly told anybody what I was doing except those with whom I was doing it. My mom didn't have any clue what I was really up to. What I had told Pablo was that I was a Christian who was going to church, singing in the choir, teaching Sunday School and AWANA--who couldn't see at the time how lost I was. So, he came up here expecting to find a different woman than who I really was.

I used to be ashamed about it, about how deeply into the occult stuff I was and about how I had slowly gotten there and was in complete denial about it. But, I realized I have to get over that if I am ever going to be able to help anybody out of that same situation. Plus, God has forgiven me for everything I've done, so nobody else has a right to hold it against me.

So, anyway, while Pablo was here I played the role I had been playing for everyone else and tried to pretend with him as well. While he was here we prayed several times, and sometimes he would say, "You know, I don't know why I keep getting this, but I feel like God is saying to you, 'Enough'." Plus, he kept bringing up people that practice in the occult and how lost they are. Well, I kept feeling more and more uneasy, felt really weird every time he would want to pray or read the Bible.

One night we were on my couch and he was praying and then started to just pray by himself. I sat there for awhile and kept thinking, "I can't take this, I feel so weird." I finally got up and went to my room and shut the door. After awhile Pablo knocked on my door to make sure I was all right and then let me know he was going to bed. I told him I was okay, and good night, and so he went to bed.

I was actually going in circles, walking around my room and basically freaking out. And when I say freaking out, it's the closest to losing my mind I've ever come. My mind was racing a zillion miles an hour, and yet I couldn't hold a thought in my head. I know I was thinking, "Oh crap, oh crap," or some sort of variation. I would call to mind what he said about the occult and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that that is exactly what I had been doing.

Well, I don't know how long I paced and pulled my hair and cried before I started going around my room collecting things I had used in my occult practices and throwing them into the trash can. I pulled open drawers, pulled books off of shelves, pulled out decks of cards, stones, crystals, I can't even remember what all, but there was plenty. I didn't know exactly what I was doing, but I knew I had to get it out. Pablo suddenly opened the door and said, "What's going on?"

I about peed my pants, he scared me so badly. I answered him, "Nothing."

"I know there's something going on in here because demons just woke me up, and there were many. What it going on in here?"

I remember all of that as plain as day, but the next events are a bit of a blur. I have no idea what I said to him, if I showed him anything, I don't know. I do remember finally ending up out in my hallway with him standing in his doorway, and me banging my head against my own door jamb. I know he told me if he could leave, he would, he couldn't believe I had lied to him the whole time--and that's the worst thing you can do to Pablo, it's a deal-breaker, indeed.

I remember he told me that obviously God had him here for a reason, and so he would stay to help me as he felt God had wanted. He also told me that I was going to destroy everything the next day, and renounce to everything and ask for forgiveness. He told me to go to bed and he would tell me how we would proceed in the morning. Somehow I went to sleep, but I don't think Pablo did. I'm pretty sure he prayed most of the night, at least, for guidance and strength.

That next day I did destroy everything, renounce any rights I had given to the devil by doing any of it, and asked for God's forgiveness. Let me tell you that the burning of the Ouija board alone was very scary, the colors and spitting of that fire was something else! God had so much grace for me in delivering me from that evil, and I surely didn't deserve His forgiveness. I had basically been a witch working for the devil and why He chose to spare me I have no idea. The only thing I know for sure that I am eternally grateful to Him for saving me from it. And, if you want to have an idea of how I feel about Pablo for helping me through such an incredibly difficult time, read the lyrics to the song "For Good" that're at the bottom of my blog. I have been changed for good by knowing him, for many reasons, even beyond what I've touched on here.

I would love to say that the minute I rebuked everything and asked for forgiveness everything turned glorious. Boy do I wishhhhhhhhh!!! It has been a battle coming back from the dead state that my mind was in. Truly, I felt like my brain was wrapped in gauze or something. I could barely think or speak half of the time. Pablo would ask me a question and I would just stare at him. I didn't realize that I still had many demons to overcome, a lot of mind-numbing to overcome, and it took me several years to feel like that was no longer an issue. It's a strange feeling, having your mind not accessible to you. Even though I lament about how I don't have much of a brain left due to fibromyalgia's "brain fog" or whatever, I know what it feels like to truly be "brain-dead" and praise God that I'm not there anymore. And I do wonder if I didn't lose some of my mind to that, I can't be certain. I know, though, that my mind isn't the playground of the devil's occult lies anymore.

I wish I could go back in time and change the very first thing I ever did, the very first book I ever read, the very first movie or TV show I watched with occult themes. That's how it starts, as I've said before. Like the song "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns says:

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away

It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray

Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid

When you give yourself away

People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands

Is shorter than you're thinking

Be careful if you think you stand

You just might be sinking

It's a slow progression into something so dark and deep. Be careful what you do, watch, read, and who you spend your time with. More importantly, if you're parents, be careful who and what your children spend their time with. Let me tell you, it doesn't take long to get in over your head, and if there's no one there to save you, you may be lost.

I am so lucky. Well, it's not lucky, it's blessed with grace undeserved. I know I have the favor of God, He's already given me His favor and I don't deserve more. I'm so thankful for everything the Lord has given me, and I am oh so thankful that He sent a man from Central America all the way to Ohio in order to ensure that I would be with Him in eternity. How cool is that!?!

But you know the really cool thing? Even though I don't deserve one more tiny little thing He stills gives me His favor, and to you--don't forget He loves you just as much as He loves me, and even if you don't deserve it--'cause who does?--you have the grace of the Creator of the world, the favor of Jehovah-jireh, the Lord Our Provider. What else do you need?

Horoscopes

Well, today is my best friend Pablo's birthday. And I can't help but think back to when we met...gosh, now that would take a 10,000 word post at least, we'll get to that sometime. But anyway, when we met I remember asking when his birthday was and what his "sign" was. He told me he didn't believe in it, but I was really into it. I thought it was somehow fate that we had come together since we're only 4 days apart--and a year, but let's not dwell on the fact I'm older.

Anyway, I've been thinking about that today, about how obsessed people can be with astrology. One of the longest-held and best friends I have is Jen. I truly love her, we have been through so much together since kindergarten! We have done a lot of stupid things together, too, but I won't get into that here either! Jen is really into astrology. She puts a lot of stock into how astrology really dictates how a person is, who they are and how they act. I used to put a lot of stock in it, too, as well as many other occult studies.

For a lot of people astrology is simply something fun, reading their horoscope from the Sunday paper just to see how accurate it was. That's how it started for me. I simply thought it was cool how "accurate' it was sometimes. That grew into getting books about it, and studying out charts, figuring out rising signs and moon phases. It was a slow progression full of justifications.

"God made the planets and stars, so surely it's OK to look at this stuff. He made them, so He must have made astrology, too."

"Why does astrology have to be of the devil? God is much more powerful, so this power must come from Him."

These are the kinds of justifications that people would and will tell me in order to make looking at astrology OK. And unfortunately I believed it, or at least accepted it in order to do what I wanted.

The Bible says not to mess with astrologers or any other 'Spiritualist'. Not because it's more powerful than God, because the devil is already defeated and he knows it. But because the devil knows our interests, our weaknesses, ways to tempt us, he knows us better than we probably know ourselves. He's studied us from the beginning. God tells us not to mess with that stuff because He wants to keep us from pain.

How could astrology hurt? Well, I suppose if it was truly just something fun to do, not something to potentially draw us away from God, it wouldn't be of any consequence because it's not real. But, the danger is that people put stock into it and start looking to the astrologer for answers instead of God, they make it their god. God tells us in the Ten Commandments to have no other gods before Him, and astrology for many is a god. It was a god for me.

I nearly lost my soul forever playing with fire in the occult, things that people do every day and never even think twice about. I am not overreacting here, I am testifying to personal experience with this dark realm. All it took was a taste of astrology to get me much deeper into occult practices.

Please be careful in all that you do. Think about the things you read, the shows you watch: how many people watch Medium, Ghost Whisperer, Most Haunted? These were some staples in my TV diet. I had to delete channels from my TV in order to curb the temptation. I have to avoid books, magazine articles and internet sites that may tempt me.

I pray that all of you at least think about what I've said. And don't take my word for it, take God's Word for it. There are plenty of scriptures that tell you not to meddle with this stuff. I'm reading Jeremiah 27 right now:

"'So do not listen to your prophets, your diviners, your interpreters of dreams, your mediums or your sorcerers...They prophesy lies to you...They are prophesying lies to you, I have not sent them,' declares the Lord. 'They are prophesying lies in my name. Therefore, I will banish you and you will perish, both you and the prophets who prophesy to you.'" (NIV)

That's one of many. Do a study and search them out. You can use a concordance online to search for specific words in the Bible. You can view the Bible online as well. I just found a good resource for all sorts of Bible study: www.crosswalk.com. It's worth it to at least know what the Bible has to say about it, don't you think?

So, that's a little bit about astrology from my experience. I have a lot to share with you about my experience in the occult, the lies the devil told me in order to get me there, the lies I decided to believe in order to stay there. I pray this helps you. Let me know if you have any questions about this; I'd be happy to share more with you.

:) Jan