The Medical Establishment Sucks

I'm so sick of it, sick of getting no help from the people who are supposed to be giving it!!!

As you may know, I've been complaining of headaches. I have one right now, in fact, and sitting here staring at this white screen will indeed make it worse, but I'm hoping I can get this off of my chest quickly. Well, my friend Jen said to me over the weekend, "You know, you said the other day you hadn't had any headaches or migraines for awhile, but you've been having them a lot lately. Do you think it's because of the Tramadol?"

--- light bulb ---

Derh. Yes. So I reread the info that came with the prescription and it said that if blah, blah, blah, call your doctor immediately.... So, it was after hours, so I emailed my PCP about what was going on. I figured she would tell me to call the specialist I saw at WVU, but the WVU specialist told me to talk to my PCP first. So, what do you think I heard when I picked up the phone from my PCP's office?

"You need to call the doctor at WVU."

Quelle surprise. Not.

So I called WVU...and they never called back. So I called the next day...and they never called back. Never called back. So I called my pharmacist and he told me what to do in order to get off of them safely. And they have still not called.

I've had it.

And I'm not going to let it go this time.

I think this may be one thing I'm supposed to do--fight the system and change it.

And by cracky, I want to. No one should be treated--or not treated in this case--this way!!! What is wrong with the Medical Establishment that they have stopped health CARE? I think there's a lot going on behind the scenes: the love of money--the fear of lawsuits--the pressure from insurance companies.

The Love of Money
Let's pack as many patients into one day as possible, and "treat" them as quickly as possible. I have so many things going on with me, and so many prescriptions that I have to write things down in order to remember them. My PCP actually told me once I could pick two, that's all she had time for. My mom's dog gets more time at the vet.

The Fear of Lawsuits
They're everywhere on TV: Call the law offices of So-&-So, they'll sue Such-&-Such and get you the settlement you deserve. Doctors are playing the C.Y.A. game--cover your assets. They don't want to get sued, so they do as little as possible to get by with.

The Pressure from Insurance Companies
Insurance companies call the shots. I used to joke with my PCP--when there was time--that I should just go see the insurance company and then they'd let her know what was wrong with me. I'm thinking I might get somewhere quicker if I did just that! But I think the enormous pressure they put on doctors and hospitals is a big reason why CARE has been left out of the health industry.

Well, as I feared, my headache has increased and I'm shaking again so I will need to quit so I can go do what my pharmacist recommended so that my head won't explode from a @#&$@&$ headache no thanks to some lousy doctors. I'm not through, this is wrong. This is so wrong and I can't imagine what it's like to be someone who is gravely ill, what must sub-standard care feel like to someone that desperate? Oh, I don't want to find out, but I know I need to add all of them to my prayer list!

And by the way, I know there must be some awesome doctors out there, but when I consider the nearly dozen I have to deal with for my care...they are SO not around here! And boy, do I wish they were!!!!!

:) Jan

If You Need to Cry, Then Cry

I needed to cry, and now I'm done. I don't know if I'm really that done, I just think I'm tired of doing it. And my eyes are puffy.

Today--well yesterday by now--has been a real roller coaster of emotions. Scared--Worried--Joyful--Excited--I've been through a whole bunch of them, and mostly with my friend Jen.

I talked about Jen in another post, but that was only a tiny glimmer into one of the longest friendships I've had. We've known each other since kindergarten, went to the same grade school & high school, stayed friends through 20s and now 30s, and we're really more like sisters, or even better, really. I don't know that there's anything about me she doesn't know, and she tells me the same. Have you ever seen those little signs: You Will Always Be My Friend, You Know Too Much. Well, that's us. Actually, I have a couple of friends who need that sign....

But truly, we've been into some wild things. We both got divorced about the same time. We hadn't talked for quite some time, but one night I called her out of the blue--something quite uncharacteristic for me as I am bad about calling people--she was busy so I said, "I just wanted you to know I got divorced." And she said, "Me, too!" I think we went out partying that very weekend and many thereafter. I plead the 5th about any details....

So anyway, since New Year's we've both been going through a lot of soul-searching, realizations, and just down-and-out God-things; you know, things that happen that only God can make happen. We've had all sorts of conversations about this world and our place in it, about being better and helping others become better. We've had some very serious religion and Bible conversations, it's been truly amazing. (I'm working on her about the astrology thing.)

But the last couple of days Jen has been dealing with a relationship situation. And it got scary tonight. I don't want to go into specifics, because frankly it's no one's business and not my place to put it out there. But tonight it was scary. We cried together and prayed. The situation got resolved and she was safe. But in all of it we grew even closer together, and more importantly closer to God.

God has plans, and we don't see it. His Word says that all things work together for good for those who love God. He never promised us a rose garden. I think that's one of the problems with religion today, and believe me, I have a lot of problems with religion that gets too religious. It's not about man's rules and rituals, it's about God and His love for us. But anyway, look at a lot of the men in the Bible who followed God: John the Baptist was beheaded, Peter was crucified upside down, John was boiled in oil.... Sound like roses? God's promise is not for a perfect life on earth. His promise is that if we believe on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ we will be saved, and spend a perfect eternity in bliss with Him. Life with God is no guarantee of life without suffering, it's a guarantee of a heavenly afterlife.

I know I suffer. Jeesh, do I sometimes, more than I think anyone should have to. The pain gets overwhelming. But, I know there's a purpose. Perhaps on this earth I will never know, but someday I many find out that somebody else saw how I dealt with it and so found comfort. Maybe it's here simply to make me stronger. I don't know. Like I said, I don't understand His plans. But does my pain make me love God any less? No. It's not His fault there's pain in the world. Man brought that on himself. Why me? Well, why not me? Like Mother Teresa said, I know God doesn't give me anything I can't handle, I just wish He didn't trust me so much!

But Jen and I really talked about this tonight, and about what it truly means to have God in your life. And when God-things are happening to you, how can you deny that He is working? He definitely brings people and situations into our lives to remind us of who He is and what He's capable of, and that has to be just the tip of the iceberg of what He can do. It's been so cool to watch Him work in our lives and those around us. He's watching over us. And in learning all of these things about Him, we desire more and more to share that love with other people.

Well, I need to quit for now, my headache is back. I believe I'm getting these headaches more frequently and with more severity due to the Tramadol. I used to get migraines pretty bad and often, but hadn't had any for quite some time. But since I started on this fibromyalgia medication I've had quite a few of them, and they're getting more intense. I don't think they're helping with the pain either. I've been shaking, too, but I'm not sure if that's from the med or from low blood sugar. I'm hoping the doctor's office calls me tomorrow and tells me what to do. As hard as it was to get used to the side-effects, I'm sure the withdrawal will be very pleasant as well. Ah, pharmaceuticals, how are they poisoning us? I'm going to take those on, too. But later....

:) Jan

My Head Hurts

Not tonight, dear, I have a headache.

I can't seem to get anything out tonight, nothing very coherent anyway. I have a headache, not so unusual, but it's getting the best of me and stealing my good thoughts. I have other pain, too, of course, my ever-present fibromyalgia pain, as well as my good old buddy osteoarthritis. He's bad especially in my hands today. I think that's also part of the problem with me, I can't type very fast and so my brain and hands both not working is making this nearly impossible.

I'm rambling about absolutely nothing now, so I guess better quit. I'm very tired, too, because I fought very hard to stay awake today--I am trying to reset my schedule to try and get up earlier in the mornings. Life begins so early and I'm usually up 'til the wee hours or don't get a restful sleep at all. Then darn it if somebody doesn't call and wake me up!?! I've been on a new medication, too, that is making me really exhausted and rather zombie-like, but I think it's getting better since I stayed up all day long today. I may be paying for it now, though!

Sleep is what I miss the most, I think. I can't remember when it was that I actually woke up and felt rested. It's literally had to have been years because I can't remember! I battle fits of insomnia, sometimes can't sleep because of the pain, or headache, or stress, so I don't know how well tonight's going to go anyway, or my brain won't be quiet long enough for me to relax, or then there's the Restless Leg Syndrome.

RLS is so weird. I remember watching the commercials and thinking, yeah sure, my legs feel weird but I don't have that. Ha! When I had a sleep study done they said my feet and legs moved all night long! I still thought they were just overreacting, but then I quit taking the medication for it--well, I didn't have insurance at the time and couldn't afford it--I about went nuts with how much my legs crawled. I literally wanted to peel the skin off of my legs it was so bad!

But, anyway...I just don't get much rest. So I'm tired. And I usually end up taking a nap in the middle of the day. And those naps tend to last like 4 hours and I sometimes don't even hear the alarm or the phone to wake up. When I sleep too long then I really can't seem to get to sleep at night. So, we know one of the biggest keys to being healthy is sleep--and I'm just not getting it! It's a big key for fibromyalgia, too....

Sometimes I swear I'm going to absolutely have a psychotic episode I'm so tired and at my wits' end from not sleeping. I feel like if I don't sleep I will just literally explode. And I don't mean exploding temper, I mean really just blow up like a bomb! It's bizarre. It's like I'm a ticking bomb and about to go off. It's actually how I feel inside, my heart and mind both pulsate. I don't like those nights and days very much, and unfortunately they seem to be more frequent these days.

I think this is going to turn into a full-blown migraine because my left eye is drooping and the light is starting to make me feel nauseated. So, I have got to get out of here. I hope this wasn't too crazy or painful, but you know, I think it helped me to get that off my chest, so thanks!

:) Jan