I just finished emailing a friend back who has been going through a lot of issues lately and has been feeling lost in her faith and far from God. It occurred to me that maybe what I wrote could help some of you as well. I did, after all, pretty much preach a sermon!!! Some of the stuff in it is personal to me, but I feel that in my vulnerability and transparency maybe you may find some help.
So, here's the text of what I wrote:
"I'm not working, but I'm thinking about putting in some apps. I'm completely out of money and am still not accepting that I have to go on Disability--if it goes through then great, I just don't want to give up on being able to work and be productive! I struggle every day in functioning, but everyone does to some degree. I'm going to have to suck it up and 'just do it'.
And yes, God has changed me that is for sure!!! I am SO thankful that He brought me to where I need to be. Just yesterday I went to lunch with my pastor and his wife to talk about my future. I want to serve Him so much. I'm thinking about what I can do in the ministry. Right now I know I need to get healthy and get closer to Him. I have battled depression my whole life, have battled weight and feeling ugly my whole life, I was molested several times as a kid, I've been raped and beaten, mentally abused, I've been into the occult, battled demons, tried to commit suicide, and worst of all tried to fake being a real Christian--I've been in the darkness, and I know that if I don't stay in the Light I am lost.
Like Peter, if I take my eyes off of Jesus I sink. Is it a battle to stay in that Light? ohmygosh, yesssssss When I don't actively seek Him then I fall into my old patterns, cut myself off from talking to people and stop talking to God. I understand exactly you're talking about. I am praying that you will find whatever it is that you need to find that connection to God that we're all craving. Don't give up. I repented of the occult stuff Christmas of 2006 and I have been going through this process then for what, 32 months? How long does it take to make a baby elephant, something like that, right!?! :) But seriously, I have waged war with the enemy, literally, and what I find most is when I take my eyes off of God then I have no hope because really, as we are in flesh, there is no hope for us. But with God, all things are possible.
So, bottom line, I LOVE YOU and I won't give up on you because if I did then I'd have to give up on myself! And if I give up on myself then it's because I believe God isn't big enough to handle my problems, and if that's the case then obviously He's not big enough to be able to promise me eternity.
The enemy is the one who is the prince of this earth and the father of lies. He's been watching us our whole lives figuring out our weaknesses and using them against us. He sucks. But, only when we realize how he operates can we fight him. After I repented of the witchcraft did I learn about the enemy and how he operates. Churches today don't teach enough about how the devil works. Most people either treat him like he's just a joke almost, or people are terrified of him. We don't need to be afraid because we have more power in Christ than he has. But, we need to know how he works or we won't see what he's up to:
The Bible says, "Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." I think that was Paul, who remember said he was ticked because what he wanted to do he wouldn't do, and what he shouldn't do he did--and he actually met Jesus on the road! So, if all these Bible guys walked and talked with God and still screwed up, hey, we're doing pretty good! But I have to actively remind myself of this verse. When I'm thinking something negative I need to study it and say, does this coincide with what God has said, or is this a lie of the enemy? Lies: "I'm worthless, I'm ugly, no one will love me, I will never change, I'm a hopeless case, God could never use me because of what I have done, I'm crazy...." Truth: "We are fearfully and wonderfully made, we are the salt/light of the world, we can do all things through Him who gives us strength, He "has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind", we are set free from the kingdom of darkness and transferred into the Kingdom of Christ...."
You are amazing with a beautiful heart and many talents. God has given us the power to loose that which is loose in Heaven, and to bind that what is bound from entering Heaven: I bind satan and his demons in the name of Jesus, his weapons will not harm you. I loose the angels to surround you and know the presence of God's love and peace which passeth all understanding. If you believe, nothing will be kept from you.
This verse makes my heart sing: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" - Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
He has not started anything in us that He will not finish. And think of this: satan doesn't attack those who are useless. Don't you think that God must have some good things in store for us if satan has to work so hard to try and make us fall? Pretty cool, huh?
;) Be BLESSED today, claim what is yours rightfully in Jesus's name. I'm here for you, I love you, I believe in you! He who is in us is greater than he who is in the world!"
Hope this helps someone out there who may be going through something similar. GOD BLESS YOU!!!
:) Jan
My Prayer Journal
17 years ago
